Well well, this chinese new year, a season of love. The love for the family and the love for the love one. Yupe, this chinese new year is a great one and so happen that valentine day fall on the 8th day of chinese new year.

For me, this chinese new year, God really bless me with a lot of Ang Pau. Just imagine, i only pick 5 ang pau and it come up to RM850, i had not count the others yet, but i know well in my heart that the ang pau that i get is all because of God's blessing.

Aih..... talking about  valentine day, well, i am alone as usual. But later that night i went to my friend's house for some fun. But i really know how my heart feel, although i don't show it in front of people but my heart is like..... aih.... every year i will get this feeling, maybe i really wanted someone badly. but another way of thinking, maybe is a test for me every year. Anyway until the day i found some one, i will still have this feeling. Maybe i should move out of this country as soon as possible, ha ha ha.

Anyway, i will move on and I hope that God is on my side. And I will do what i need to do to make it happen. God bless Malaysia when I leave. God bless All.

A lot might ask, why only now i write. Ha ha, some update to you, I am in the Hospital for 1 week. Aih... thanks to the lung infection, that i had to stay. But anyway, I thank God for everything that happen, now I understand that how much love from my family and my friends. Some how I know God is trying to tell me that I am not alone, there are people outside that really cares for me. Well, I understand how the feeling it.

So now is a new year, and my plan to Australia is like 1 1/2 years away. Things been happen to me last year, you will not believe how i survive last year. But I thank God for all the happening stuff. God had been showing me the way, and a lot of time I had doubt on it. I pray and pray, I always ask for confirmation, and confirmation always granted. So be careful for what you ask from God, things always happen, like me always happen. I ask, and He confirm it, again and again, a lot of time I was like 'what the heck'. Anyway to cut the story short, confirmation given, now is only me, obey or not to obey.

You know, I had learn my lesson and trust me that you want to obey what God want you to do. He will bless you man, serious, He bless you like you will not believe it. It happen to me, and I believe it will happen to you too. Just put your heart and trust Him, He is always there to meet your needs. You don't have to ask, just obey what He want you to do. Trust me, it always work, well at-least it really work on me. I really love my God, Hallelujah.

Alright this new year, I had nothing to hope, but what I really hope for is that people around will able to understand the truth and see what happen to our country. Through the news, I know things that is sad about our country. Through people, some business people told me that they cannot see the future of our country. Every things tell me that the country is going down and people are suffering. Well, I did ask God, why not I stay and make a different for this land. But the Lord did not answer me, some how i felt deeply in my heart that the Lord want to send me out to learn. To learn something that will impact the Nation.

People around me always tell me that i am very good in acting. Some even say that my acting impact their life, no joke man, is true you know. I really wonder, should i go into performing art and let go my I.T career. But I have no confirmation on that, I really need God to speak to me on this. I love acting, I also love to work as a I.T person, I am a person full with passion for this two things. But some how I need to know how to use this to impact people, I did it once and I can do it again. Like this Mira country, I heard people telling me that I really bring out the sadness and emo out from my character, they even ask me did I cry before I go out. Ha ha. Anyway, I heard a lot of good comment about this production and I hope to keep it.

This year is going to be a bit hard on the Christmas production. Because the main person will not be around, and most likely i will not as well due I am planning to go Australia during Christmas. But I hope for the best and I hope that this year, we the Voice members will pull out something really good. Anyway, I really love them. But some of them need to go away, some for their study, some for their career, this also include me, I need to move on after this year. I hope this year, God will bless those who are lost, those who are weak, and those who are scare to move. I pray hard for all of them and hope that they will know their calling and make a great impact to this Nation. Thank You Father. I love You

ha ha ha, How silly is me, how stupid is me. Things do happen for a reason, I found out why. A test that I need to go through and grow, I might realise it a bit late, but is better to be late then never. You kow that i had been a bit emo this few months, i think this emo take about half of my year. Frankly speaking that this 6 months is not a easy things for me to go through, but i found out that I had been looping in that emo box for some times, again and again I loop inside the box, and it actually blind me from seeing things in a pure way.

That is why i say, how stupid that can be. Seeing stuff without a pure eye is evil, I found out only yesterday when i saw the kids that is around me. I found out that I see them as pure as they can be. I love the kids, I love their honest, I love their heart. It actually make me realise that i should make use of my pure eyes to help people and meet people needs. Who cares about my feelings, God cares is enough, God show me the kid and show me also the need of the kids. What the heck with my needs, which all the times God actually provide me with all my needs. So what am I going to say, I think I better repent for what i had did in the past 6 months. Being emo to those that i should not have hurt them.

Looking back to the past 6 months, I think i do hurt those who try to care for me. Here I really want to say sorry to them. Because of my emo, I had hurt those that had been close to me. I had hurt those that care for me, I found out that hurting people is so much easy than to care. So i decided to care for those that I hurt, I will care for those who are in need. Maybe is time for me to change to a brand new man, a man that God always want me to be, a caring person, a care bear spirit in me, or should I say caring Hippo, ha ha ha.

I had no idea why, but i kinda like the name Hippo. Thanks to those who give me the name. Okie, maybe i love hanging around with kids, they always speak to me and comfort me. Why? because of a simple pure heart, kids always have there simple and easy heart. They see things in a simple ways and with a pure heart, so why not I become some one with a simple heart and a pure heart. Less to worry, let God worry for me, ha ha ha, sorry Father for worry on my things, thanks Father. he he

Well, you might ask, is it just only the kids that make me realise. ha ha ha, that is not the only factor, actually a soft toy speak to me also. It remind me that i should love those that around me and care for them, to be the best ever for them. Ha ha ha, yupe, that little Hippo that i get for my Christmas, you will not believe i actually sleep in with that soft toy, ha ha ha, a 6 footer with a soft toy, ha ha ha, hard to imagine. Well, who cares, as long it speak to me, ha ha, I know is some how a bit useless but I do think that is the best value i got for this Christmas. It had speak to me, thanks to those that had give it to me.

ha ha ha, is time for a change and i need to say sorry to those i had hurt. Now is time for me to do so, thank You God, for speaking to me through the kids and also the little hippo i get. Thank You God, I love You Father.

Well, Well, it seem that I had alot of feeling lately. Maybe I had been alone and all the feeling just came out of no where. I felt rejected lately due of some issue, it seem I saw myself just a tool provider, financial provider. People come to me just ask for things, hardly anyone ask like how are you, what happen to you and some caring word. Beside some, that they really care, some of them just like aih.......

I really do love them, but is just that lately i see things really different compare to the last time. Things do happen for a reason, maybe God want to test me, but I think I had fail it, badly. I wonder why, i really wonder why. Some of them just don't care, they can just leave you there, taking care of their things and goes off away, leave you alone sitting there waiting for them. I really don't like that feeling, I felt so left out, you know, I wanted to go shop for my things, I also want some one to be with me and talk to me. Not just leave me alone over there and wait for you all to return, I wonder do they really know how bad that feeling is that you have to wait there alone for 30 minutes. I felt so stupid over there, yet, they can come back with a big smile and say nothing about how long i wait. Hey, don't you guys think that i deserve a word of sorry. But they just felt like normal for me to wait over there. Aih..... I wonder do they really know how i feel.

I started to understand some of them that have the same feeling like Vic, Steph and Anna. Why they don't felt belong to the cell, i think now i can understand. Is not good to feel alone and people just ignore you just like that. No wonder some time they felt left out in the cell, now I really know. Is not a easy feeling, where you know the gang well and you think that they should take care of your feeling, but the truth is that they don't. That is why i felt strongly that we have to change in order to grow our self and also the gang. If not, i felt strongly that the gang will grow smaller. the bound between us might be strong, but because is too strong, other people cannot just go in like that and people will felt left out. I had that feeling, and is not good. I understand what they had went through but still please do care for those around you all. Don't just always the 2 of you or maybe 3, people will not felt comfort when go out with you guys man.

Anyway, I think I had speak too much. I just want a place to put my feeling, and i always found that my blog is always the best place for me to output. Ha ha, Maybe some one will read, or maybe not. Anyway, things had get out from my chest and i am feeling much better, ha ha ha. Okie, I think I better leave this issue to God and hopefully He will speak to me. Thank You Father.

well, well, It was really long i know her, my ex-girl friend, Li Yi. She remind me that we know each other more then 10 years. Well, look back to the years, a lot had been happen. The path that she and me walk through, I still remember and is really a laughter for the both of us.

So I had been going out with her a lot lately since she came back, we still joke, we still hang around and tease each other always. She still look for me when she is in trouble, ha ha ha. But I might want to clarify that things will always remain to what we are now, a very close and supportive friend.

I might not know what will happen in the future but I can tell that it will remain the same by now. Why? he he he, actually i enjoy the relationship that we have now, just simple friendship that boune us together. Just like yesterday night, both of us just drive around and both of us end up in titiwangsa lake park, we have a walk at the park. Enjoy the view and a great talk to her, I just realise that after all the things that happen, we are still that close. ha ha ha

Well, what can I say, things will happen at it very right way for me. I just have to keep my fate and I will know what relationship that suit it. he he, for her is always a friend that i will always love, a close friend that will never forget each other. ha ha, thank God for that, he he. 

Well, it might be some time, but i still struggle a lot of things. Things had been happening, i got more work to do. I have to check myself and found out that i still not able to let go that easy. Maybe things really did not work out as what i think, but i think i really have to leave. leave to a place where i think i can have a new start, a start that will renew my life and my emotion.

I keep telling myself is over, focus on what is should be done. But maybe I am just a guy that look for some one that i really love. I did think of leaving this place, just go out and work out what ever i want. But i am still thinking is that worth it or not, I want no regret on what ever i do.

Maybe i really have to pray about it. I will need time and a good listener, I will need someone to really listen and really understand how i feel.

Should I still love or not, should I leave or should i not............ is always a question to me..........????????????????? 

Well here I am, sitting alone at home, listen to the nature sound, a CD that i bought. Well while I was thinking, I start to discover something. For the pass few days, what I felt, what I do, so to speak, I am just acting normal on the outside but not in the inside. I slowly think back the stuff I did, and I discover the truth in my heart. The truth is I never been able to let go, I just felt like letting it go but I just can't.

Listen to this soft nature music, remind me of my olden days when I am not happy I will listen to this music and relax my heart. But through this music, I slowly discover what my heart is telling me. Now the problem with me, is that can I face it? Face the truth that I still love her? But things never been in my hand, I need to let it go, for her and God.

Last Friday, I was sick, I had this dream, she is there to be with me. But while I wake up, I know all this all come from my heart, my heart desire that she will be around while I am sick. The next day, is her day when she have to move out from her house. I went and help her out, I saw her in the morning, she is stress, worried and tired. I know I can't do anything, the only thing I can do is to pray for her and help her to move her family stuff to the new house. I know is hard for them, I felt their pain while they move out from their house. I will pray for the family, for them to be stable once again in the eyes of God and bless by the wonders of God.

I am happy when I heard that she had a good sleep last night. A long sleep that I think she never had for a long time, a good rest. Nothing much I can do, but I will pray for her from my bottom of my heart to bless her more with my prayer. I understand God have a very different way for her and her family to move, I will just let God do His work on their life. What I have to do is just believe that God is always there for her an teh family.

I just wonder, God can You help me on this? I am trying to let her go, I don't want her to felt the burden. God, Father, I just felt that is time for me to grow and to let things happen in me. I want to make sure that I can go on to move for this wonderful path that You had for me. Father, please guide my heart to Your will and I pray that I will be some one that You desire me to be. Thank You Father.

For some reason, I had been looking into my heart deeply. I am trying to seek something, something that i had been seeking for far too long and i want to know what it is. Frankly speaking, I had no idea what am I up against with, I am just lost for some reason.

Maybe I am a guy that is fill with feelings, and i keep on letting my feeling to take over me some times. I am hoping that some one will tell me what happen to me. But who will that be? I am lost in a way, but i know i will not lost forever as I know God is trying His very best to put me into the track that He want me to be.

You know, I look at things detail and i think too much. Why don't I keep things easy and simple. Maybe I am just a guy that need some one special to care for me. That day I had a chat with my friend, he ask me why I still want to stay single, he told me that I should deserve a better girl around me to care for me. I just answer him, whatever it maybe, this is the road I choose and I am going to finish it.

This friend of my is a really good guy, he know that i had no time to go out and know some new friend and he keep on bringing friends to me. I thank him for being such a nice friend, but is just that i want to be focus on some thing and i want to make sure that i make the right decision.

I had hold it on for so long and it is almost going to finish soon. I am not going to give this up, I am going to succeed this promise that I had for God. I will and I will always will for God.

things been happening around lately, I know is coming not only to attack me but also my dear cell members also. I found that there are something going to happen to us if we do not guide it well. I pray hard for the team and I pray for all of them to be strong and able to stand for God.

Em... Things happen always, as for me, this week it happen a lot. I have to say that i am not so happy about my work. My team lead really give the team a tough time to go through. I start to re-call the old time where my old team leader lead us in a very good way. I still remember during that time, all the team member willing to come back for OT, all of us fight through our best to make our monthly report nice, woohhhh... that was the old days man. But now, aih.... we help to fight but our team leader is like !#$%!#$%. I have gave him the chance for like 2-3 months but he is still like yiakes. My goodness, he is not good to lead, i almost goes crazy because of him.

But you know what, God really cares for me. He know i suffer and he had test me, i remember the Sunday, when come to offering time, i wanted to offer only the small notes that is in my wallet, but God ask me to put more. So i obey and had put in RM50 into the bag, i was like yiakes, why i do that. ha ha, I re-call that day and i think i almost phsyco on that action. But you know what, God had show me His grace upon me. ha ha, I love Him a lot, this week i was totally give up on my current work due of my dear team leader, and i almost wanted to quit my job because of that fellow. But God have a plan for me, things always happen at the right time, at that time my faith toward my job almost drop to zero, then i receive a call, a call that show me there is a open door for me to move on in my career. Yes, I got a call from a company name call Axon Solution, they offer me a job and asking me for an interview. I was like wah wah wah, God always do His stuff at the right time man, I never ask for a new job, i just don't like my current job and He know that. He arrange the open door for me to move on, man I like it man.

So what did I tell you, God always answer our needs and prayer. He know what is good for us and help us all the way. I love Him so much, and I will always praise His name. Hallelujah!!!!

Hide me now, under Your wings
Cover me, within Your mighty hand

Chorus :
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know His power, in quietness and trust

Chorus:
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Things do happen and I am glad that it had happen. There might be storm that i went through, a mighty wind that block me on, a mighty wave that cover my path, but i still remain still for God.

I am glad i am able to let it go, i am glad i am able to make things better. I would like to thank God and my dear brother and sister in Christ that had help me. No doubt is hard, but anything for a peace on her, that is worth it all. I see the value that God trying to show me, and I learn it. I love my God more then anything, i had move on because He had taught me good.

For some reason in my heart still the feeling is there. For some reason in my heart tell me not to let it go. For some reason i don't feel like it to be done, but i still choose it to be done. I had done it, i had it nail down in front of my God and i done it. I can only say one word that is I love her and i pray for the best for her.

We might not be couple, but we will always be a good brother and sister. I will be still on this and i will always be. For God I believe He will see what I mean, I will be still for it. Be still in front of our heavenly Father, He will know what to do. For my soul is for Him and my soul He had care, I thank You Oh Lord. For the both of us I thank You Oh Father.

May this new beginning, Father You will bless this friendship. And I will always guide it. Thank You Father.